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日曜日, 10月 09, 2005

Mood = unsure

Somehow, I have this feeling that I have a lots of friends whenever I see my hp phonebook... but somehow, I feel that I have none.... many a times I wanted to call someone to talk... someone who is willing to just let me continue to talk on and on... and nodding in agreement... I really dont know why they rebutt whatever I say and tell me that I should not be like thate... But why cant I be like that? Why cant I just pour out all my sorrow and you guys just keep your mouths shut and listen to me? Somehow, I feel weird... something indescriblable... something that I find people around me hard to understand... or should I say, they dont even understand... All I want is to dial anyone's number and start to talk freely... I tried speaking to people from jcs because I believe that they should know what am I going through... but I was proven wrong... all they did was to keep lecture me about what I have done wrong and how I should change... but i ask myself, "why should I change?"... who the heck are they to make me change? are they really worried about me like the way they say that they are worried for me over in msgs and conversation? sometimes, i doubt that this is true... they are just merely talking... what actions do they have? maybe they say i am seeking for attention.. maybe this is what i really am... someone who tries to get a tiny bit of attention... just a tiny bit... someone once says that i should adapt to the new environment... but then, i feel that i cant... why? because i was so used to have many people around me in my secondary schooldays... no matter where we go, we are always one big group... but somehow, in the new environment, i feel very lonely... lonely until i develop this feeling that none is concerned about me.... or maybe in reality, none really does...
10:45 午後